Tag: 2017

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Salvation Endeth After Nothing

The best actor tonight
reminded me of you;
I thought to speak this
but then remembered
your cruel insanity
and the way you cut me
before cowardly running
away to your drugs;
your marriage of lies and pain,
denial and hope,
sadness and despair.

I wanted to invite you to our party,
the way I always reach out and invite you,
but having removed yourself from my life
I can’t extend the invitation
which you confusingly attested
had never been offered in the past…
even though I always welcomed you
and sought to join our worlds together.

You called me the night that your father died
in October 2011,
and when I inquired,
you said he’d have been happy to have me there,
but then there were no words or information given.

I invited you camping for a night in 2016
and you agreed but then your future fiance
blackmailed you into staying behind.

You asked me to take photographs
of a famed NYC locale which I spent
a day reaching to amuse you,
only to share them with no response whatsoever.

I invited, again & again,
and you cancelled,
made excuses,
ignored or hid for no reason
I’ve been informed of.

Every time I reached out,
you were grateful,
but refused to touch.

Until the night came of The Body Politic when you accused,
expelling your poison laced accusations
with no possibility for my response,
despite years shared in conversation,
dedication and nearly 16 years after
the most perfect kiss that I’ll have ever given.

That night I chose not to follow you.
Not again.
I will not chase you simply because you’ve chosen to run.
I will not struggle through your shit
just because you feel like being an asshole.

If you reach out to me
I will be there,
but I don’t have the strength
to force you to see reason
or remember how I have championed you.

If I’m lucky I’ll hear from you again someday
but I suspect I will only hear of your untimely end.

You were out of your mind on junk
the entire time I knew you
but I just couldn’t see it.

I see it now
and no matter how much I try
I can’t stop loving you.

The only difference is
I love myself now too
and I deserve better
than to suffer for the choices that you’ve made.

Wake the fuck up!

Written by Jason Wright
December 15, 2017

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Stained Glass Forest

In the sanctum of surrender
playing holy water sports…

Under magnifying glass
reversing grade A book reports…

There’s a blood stain from a virgin
counting sheep in fields of green…

And she spills her seman whistle
as she dreams of love supreme…

But the nightmare gore that drips
from deep inside her broken soul…

Is the church’s sacred sacrament:
excess within control…

Contradicting everything
in screams we all must witness…

Benediction boxing ring
is cream of Christ on Christmas.

Written by Jason Wright
December 3, 2017

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Profile

Robert Smith’s “promise of a kiss”
seen through lightning flash rain fall blinds
is unintentional mirror
of November eighteenth nude:

“Let’s Go to Bed.”

His Profile
My Profile
The Profile sings between fingers and pages
combining all of our afterimages
with an ink black twist.

Written by Jason Wright
November 28, 2017

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Simon’s Truth

When man disappears
and returns as another…
Remember his name
as if he were your lover…
For names hold more meaning
than Juliet queried…
The essence is dense
despite Vampire Theory…
And he deserves better
than a name that’s not his…
Worth more than a score
for his compliment kiss…
And now that I’ve met him
I’ll always remember…
At least long enough
to survive this December.

Written by Jason Wright
November 21, 2017

For Jon

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This Diabolical Drama

I’m sitting right across from you
when you tell me how much you want to hurt me,
how much it will pleasure you to humiliate me,
how much you want to take what is mine,
use it for your own gain,
and leave me to wander
cluelessly,
ashamed and defeated.

I’m sitting right across from you
but what you don’t see
is that I’m not the man you thought I was,
and all your schemes were mine
before they were yours.

You think he’s sitting right across from you
but I’ve taken his place
and the words that were meant for him;
the words meant to conquer me
and raise you up have given me the greatest satisfaction
I can imagine.

I am afraid,
but it is the fear of an entertainer
about to take to the stage
where my most impressive performance
(which I’ve trained for my entire life)
is about to begin at last.

You are a liar and a manipulator.
You are hurtful and obscene.
But I am something you could not see coming.
And though you wish to hurt me
I thank you from behind my disguise
for you too have an integral role to play.

You, with the help of my co-conspirator,
will push me beyond those boundaries
I have never dared to traverse,
even though the core of who I am
has always ached to cross that line.

And in that gleaming treacherous climax
where all masks lead to the truth,
we will be transformed…

And you, in plotting my downfall,
will bring me to my utter salvation.

Written by Jason Wright
November 8, 2017

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Aggressive Regression

A childhood nursery fantasy
has become an obsession of late.

Everyday I become someone else that I love
so that I can have some hope of witnessing
what was once deemed impossible.

Love & trust make this elixir attainable
but I’m driven completely by sex: a walking hardon.

Always a sexual creature…

Always willing and able
to gladly explore any kink
that struck my fancy…

Those demons were expunged upon arrival.

All but this impossibly complicated
riddle of a contradiction.

This place is beyond anywhere
I’ve ever willingly been.

This unexplored erotic nightmare of flesh is:
urgent, vital, joyous at finally receiving my attention.

This dream cocaine has made me into a liar,
an enthusiastic victim,
a nearly celibate slut
who yearns for desolation…
a chance at reconnection with
that hardly humiliated farm boy in
those locker room communal showers.

As a child I held such unfulfilled desires
but put them to bed (where I have now joined them).

By assuring him that everything is
and always will be okay,
I have traveled full circle –
returning through time to bless his lust,
circumvent shame,
encourage exploration,
and guiding him to disregard their influence;
to tame the monsters that would otherwise haunt him
until the day that he once again completed this paradox puzzle.

Written by Jason Wright
November 7, 2017

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Sleepless Musings

Ride
inside me
Drive
deprive me
Tease
Reprise me
Please
Believe me!

Short and sweet
(yet incomplete)
the rhythm changes
(rearranges)
as words estrange…
I’m so deranged.

These words portray
a troubled mind
bored to play
in doubled blind
in senseless drivel
wrong and deep
endless sibilant
song of sleep.

Written by Jason Wright
November 4, 2017

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Meaning < More

Bleak sin plantation
of bitterness bleach.

Darken my eyes
and study my lips.

Speak incantation
of gibberish speech.

Pardon my thighs
and bloody my bitch.

Night I decided was
night never chosen.

Blood suck syringe
pause rejoice afraid.

Sight that divided applause
never spoken.

And fucking the fringe
was a choice never made.

Written by Jason Wright
November 4, 2017

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Watching the Game

I see him undressing
through counting of sheep.

I see him caressing
around where I sleep.

I breathe in his secret
as you play the game.

I witness my weakness
for lust laced with shame.

This dream leaves me broken
though roused when it beckons.

I dream of these moments
more often than seconds.

Written by Jason Wright
November 4, 2017

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Prayer of the Post Traumatic

Hearing disappointment which matches
THE SICKNESS INSIDE ME
threatening to overtake me.

Breathe.

The train is already departing one six eight;
perhaps this panic is for nothing?

Why do the only loud people
in the car gravitate toward me?

Hungry. Terrified and hungry.
Some things never change…
but I can.

Relax. Breathe.

He cannot hurt me here.
She is safe.
And I will eat before long.

If the show has begun
I will eat without fear
and rest,
knowing I’ve seen this particular show
three times before,
and I will be there for Aaron
without compromising
sanity or the denial of self.

If I make it there in time I will be
collected and calm. I will take in
this special show with
no need of regret
for I have controlled my fear
and done my best to travel
especially on the
fucked up weekend transit.

Now relax. Breathe / Ground,
and be the Jason that you want to be.

Written by Jason Wright
October 29, 2017

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