“I Don’t Have Nothing to Say”

I did stay home today. I played Mario Kart with Chris and Tristan and Aaron when it was time, but they had been out in the heat and I think it had made Aaron a little cranky; he didn’t have a chance to clean up in the same way that they had, and we also had far less time together than originally scheduled. I got some work done on several projects. And I tried to catch up on some of the TV I’ve fallen behind on. I watched:

X-Men ’97 S02E01 Days of Past Future
X-Men ’97 S02E02 A Force to Be Reckoned With
The Vampire Lestat S01E03 or Interview with the Vampire S03E03 Toronto

The new season of X-Men ’97 is still as good as the first, with several moments that made me cheer and / or tear up. But I cry during everything, so YMMV. Lestat continues to be a very different (and slightly less even) adaptation than Interview With the Vampire. It’s not bad but I’m not certain that some of the new framing actually works, and won’t know until I can see the completed picture. There are many changes to the source material, like the previous adaptation, but there were many lines that I knew were actually from the book, so I’m engaged with the material and curious to see where the series goes next. I do have another episode, with another airing tomorrow, but I think I’m done for the night – though I may watch them tomorrow? I also have another X-Men ’97 episode to watch, with another out this Tuesday, but I think I’m done with that as well for now. I’m enjoying both series and want them to last – only both have relatively short seasons; Season 1 of Lestat (which is how I think of it) is only 7 episodes long and will be done 2 weeks from tomorrow, while X-Men ’97 has 9 episodes this season and will be done 5 weeks from Tuesday. And I have plenty more to watch, which is nice, but is also starting to feel like work, rather than fun.

It was raining, but I think it has stopped.

This journal title song quote is brought to you from “Raining in Baltimore” by Counting Crows, from their 1993 debut studio album, “August and Everything After”, which never fails to conjure memories of that autumn when I was dating Jeff Rodriguez, but also Shawn Foreman (circa summer of 2000), who loved them. I’ve got lots of memories tied to various songs from the album as well, including this one, which I tried to mix with a spoken word piece (which tied into the lyrics of the song rather nicely) – and which likely would have worked, only I got sidetracked by another project and just never got back to it.

Northbound (NSFW)

On the one train in Manhattan a song,
a lyric makes me think of San Francisco.

I’m shaving in Paul’s bathroom
while man I met at Radical Fairy drag party is watching me.

I’m nervous.
He’s so beautiful
and several years older than me;
he’s 30 & I’m 26.

It seemed like a lot then.
Maybe because the last guy I loved
was 9 years younger than him;
they had the same name.

I cut myself as I often did back then.
A tear of blood dripping down my face
and before I can react
blonde ken doll man moves in
and purposefully licks me clean.
Sacrament.

I remember wondering if he was crazy.
Blood. San Francisco.
I want to throw him against the wall
so I can penetrate him and understand.
Is there pain in his eyes or lust?
Possibly both.

I don’t remember what happened next
but the next song is beginning
and I imagine kissing him,
shaking him…

“Are you crazy?”
“Do you want to die?”

A side thought where I’m less sympathetic
and I give him the degradation I imagine him craving.
Strip. Kneel. Baptism in piss and cum.
Fucking him mercilessly.

The thought passes and I wonder at his state of mind.

He was newly out then and haunted by his past;
“But I’m a Cheerleader” was the wrong movie to watch;
it filled him with memories that made him sad.
I think he was reading “The Vampire Armand”;
I was reading “Merrick”.
His parent was seemingly gravely ill.
They called during our first sexual encounter
to request his presence at the hospital.
He talked them out of it.
I tried to talk him into it,
but instead he said “Damn” while I bit his nipple.
I remember telling him that his asshole tasted amazing
and then him asking if there were any that didn’t…
and I wonder if he ever found out?
A taste test with naked men all standing in a row.

He fucked me in that livingroom.
It was days later.
After he’d taken me to a leather bar and spoke of dangerous sex,
but nothing about the boyfriend he’d confess to later.
Devastating at the time.
I wanted to be his.
Just a crazy dream I guess.
Lies and dreams and strange encounters that I still cherish.

We’re friends on Facebook.
I don’t think of him often
and I’ve not seen him in person in over 14 years.

I’m 40 now and I’ve been fucked at least 6 times in the last week.
My partner is curious about why I’m so frenzied of late and I honestly don’t know;
I’m sure it’s nothing to do with this…
but past sexual encounters fill my thoughts of late.
This is but the latest example.

Walking from the train I ran up to my place to write this down.
I don’t know why.
It seems less important now.
I need to get groceries.

Written by Jason Wright
January 8, 2015

A Thorn For Coronation

In the cold summer heat
where the chill is inside…

The boy in the garden
has secrets to hide…

Walking with walkman
and singing a dirge…

A screaming erection
while fighting the urge…

To talk to his idol;
soft spoken and gentle…

The man is a monster
yet so sentimental…

The man is tormented
and torments this boy…

With feelings that threaten
to create or destroy…
The boy in the garden.

The man that was chosen…
By fate or by chance?
He never will know…

But the boy has been captured.
The boy is enraptured.

The boy is in love
with a man made of snow.

Written by Jason Wright
February 3, 2000

Inspired by Jason Alery,

who I obsessed over endlessly in school,
while listening to “Winter Marches On” by Duran Duran.

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