I just watched Daredevil: Born Again S02E06 “Requiem”. SPOILERS
I wish I hadn’t known that Jessica would show up, or that she had a kid, because those would have been great surprises. In the comics, Jessica is married to Luke Cage, who is likely the father of her daughter – something else that was spoiled for me – and all of that by a friend who thought he would share something cool. I was not amused.
Having said all of that, the seeming reference to the events of “Thunderbolts*” places this episode after that film, and likely this whole season though it pains me to say it. There’s a slight time jump in the new episode (from Vanessa’s death to her funeral) so it could happen just before this episode but then explaining why none of these characters turned up in that movie becomes even more difficult to explain. So 2027 and beyond for the M.C.U. seems to go like this:
Daredevil: Born Again Season 1 (9 episodes) Captain America: Brave New World The Fantastic Four: First Steps Thunderbolts* Daredevil: Born Again Season 2 (8 episodes) Spider-Man: Brand New Day Avengers: Doomsday Avengers: Secret Wars
I look forward to seeing how “The Punisher: One Last Kill” and “VisionQuest” tie into these final stories. And possibly “Born Again: Season 3” which should arrive between “Doomsday” & “Secret Wars”.
Yesterday I had therapy. I also spoke to Michael, but not about his lies; not directly. I played some Zelda. I briefly spoke to Aaron. I might be running an errand for him tomorrow; I volunteered but I’m waiting to see what he says. Either way, the weather is supposed to improve tomorrow so I want to get outside after not being out since Monday night.
I should be asleep but this is another of my non-Ambien nights so it could take awhile. Still, I should try.
I had a really illuminating chat with someone who I don’t know that well, but who I have known since early 2012. We are both ex-boyfriends of the same man, who lied to us both and cheated on both of us as well. It makes sense. But what I didn’t know, was that my ex had lied to this person and told him that I had cheated on the ex, which is obscene, when the truth is I was totally loyal to him and he cheated on me constantly, often with multiple men throughout any given week! Truly. I’ve dated men that cheated but never anything like the way this guy did. It was so fucking horrible. But really, the problem with him was that he couldn’t be honest with me. I had suggested an open relationship where we were both free to see or fuck whoever we chose, and that he and I would go back to using condoms, and the only rule was that we needed to be honest with each other, but he just couldn’t do it. He lied over and over despite that being the only thing I didn’t want him to do. And it never stopped, no matter how many chances I gave him. And it was killing me, so I cut off all contact with him – which was terrible but likely saved me, on many levels. I ran into him 8 months later, I think it was, and that was also the night that I met Aaron Sanko, who I went out with later that day, and we’ve been partners ever since. I don’t hate the ex. I think he has mental problems. I think he is deeply insecure and that the lying fulfilled some need within him that I couldn’t break through, but as long as we aren’t a couple, he can’t hurt me anymore. I speak to him sometimes. I texted him this morning, before this conversation happened. I’m friends with nearly everyone I’ve ever dated. That’s one thing I’m really good at. I rarely hold grudges and when I do, I try to get over them. I’m over this. Hearing that he lied doesn’t shock me, but hearing that he lied about me is a different thing. Given what I already knew, that’s just who he is. And that makes me sad for him.
But I’m over it. Really. I’m already smiling. And he’ll probably text me back later and it won’t hurt me at all. Time has made just about everything better. I have some scars but they are not – and will not be – the end of me. 🙂
I slept more than 7 hours, which was wonderful. I dreamt about a home, where I’m from, secrets and hidden places on our property which don’t actually exist in reality, but which have some basis in fact and which are recurring elements in my dreams, which I cherish. I woke up around a quarter to 5. I had two missed calls, from Aaron & from Mark Adams. Both called shortly after I went to sleep. I suspect Aaron was just reaching out to let me know he’s okay and how his L.A. adventure is going while Mark was likely calling to talk about the new episode of Daredevil: Born Again, which probably ended around the time that he called – but I don’t know for sure, obviously.
When I got up to use the bathroom I saw that I had indeed caught the mouse in my traps. Often even finding a mouse in a trap I find it repulsive and it is a cause of some stress, but this time I felt a sense of victory. I swept the trapped mouse into the trash and I was done. I left the other traps just in case we have more than one pest, but I don’t think we do. I washed my hands, made a smoothie and decided I’d catch up on some of my TV shows.
Star Wars: Maul – Shadow Lord. Vader and The Eleventh Brother have yet to appear but promotional material suggests that they will, and Marrok was in episodes 5 & 6.
I got caught up on Star Wars: Maul – Shadow Lord, watching the last 2.5 episodes, which brings us to episode 6. I’ve had mixed reactions to this series. It’s up to snuff with other animated Star Wars stuff like Tales, The Clone Wars, The Bad Batch & Rebels, but this has been the least compelling to date, which sounds like I hate it, but I don’t. I think what drags it down is the structure. We’re getting 10 episodes in Season 1, 2 episodes a week, but the story feels like a single movie randomly chopped into 10 pieces, so the endings all feel forced and obnoxious IMO. Everytime I feel like I’m finally getting into the series, it ends. I’d just wait and binge it but I don’t want to get that far behind on anything if I can help it. I will say that episode 6 (S01E06 “Night of the Hunted”) felt like the best episode so far and has many things I enjoyed, which made the first 5 all feel like setup, which is fine, but I wish I’d enjoyed the setup a bit more. Perhaps I’ll grow to love the series once this season is finished? We’ll see. The season will be over in just 13 days. A second season has been ordered but it’s unclear when that will arrive or what the story might be. I kind of hope there is a time jump between seasons and that we get a different Maul story that builds on this one while forging another way forward in a different location with different characters, but I really have no idea how this season ends, how that will affect my opinion, or what they have planned going forward. There has been so much new content since I last watched the majority of The Clone Wars (all 3 seasons of Tales, 2 final seasons of The Clone Wars, The Bad Batch and now this + Forces of Destiny) that I would really love to do a re-watch of this entire era, but I’m watching so much right now and I’m behind on even more, so it just doesn’t seem likely. Hopefully someday.
I’ll try to get to the other shows later, but I felt like taking a break.
Well, it’s not that late. But I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m tired and I got some new Melatonin gummies to try. I will also sleep better tonight as the 20 mousetraps I ordered arrived on time, 6 of which have been placed + the trap that I already had. The mouse may have left my house, but if he stayed instead then he’ll soon be dead. Sorry, not sorry.
04-21-26. Sleepy.
I played more Zelda. I did not watch any television. I got some work done on my website and the viewing order for the Infinity Saga is now online. I’ll try to get more Marvel-y things up in the near future. I assumed I’d work on it a bit more tonight, but like I said, I’m sleepy.
George Michael was one of my first celebrity crushes.
And yes, I know that “A Last Request (I Want Your Sex Part 3)” is a bit rapey, but I would have let George Michael do anything he wanted to me when he was alive. This year, on Christmas Day, he’ll have been dead for 10 years. That’s crazy. I mean, it feels like that was a long time ago, but it also doesn’t. Time, and our perception of time, is weird. He was 53 when he died. I’ll be 52 in August.
Really. It’s time for bed. If I sleep 8 hours (which I doubt since I’ve not been sleeping as much lately), I’ll be up very early. I have therapy tomorrow afternoon, but otherwise I think I’m free.
I ask those questions a lot lately. Mostly related to this place, but in other contexts as well. Sometimes I think have answers but other times I don’t know.
Some of the video games that I have enjoyed.
I like video games but it is difficult for me to find games that I love. I lucked out when during the pandemic, through a group plan on Nintendo Switch, I had free access to the then 3 year old game, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. I had played a few Zelda games before, including the original, but the last one I’d played, Twilight Princess, had so frustrated me that I’d basically sworn them off. I didn’t think I’d play Breath of the Wild for long, but I’m still playing it 6 years later and I’ve played through the entire game 7 or 8 times. I love it. But hearing that I love this game, people ask me what else I like and there isn’t much. Aaron plays many, many video games and enjoys them all. I like Mario Kart, due in part to Aaron training me on some of the basics that I never would have picked up on my own. Also during the pandemic I played through Super Mario Odyssey, which I enjoyed at the time. I played the first 3 Spyro games. I beat the original Metroid game and the first sequel, which was released for Gameboy. I like Injustice 2. I love the old Playstation game The Unholy War. But in the last few years it has mostly been Breath of the Wild and it’s spin-offs.
The Legend of Zelda: Teras of the Kingdom. It’s a little embarrassing how many times I’ve played through this cycle of video games in the last 6 years.
The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom will be three years old next month. I started what I think is my 4th playthrough of the game yesterday. So far I’m taking my time. The first 3 times I played I sped through the opening sky island until it was finished before taking a break, but not this time. I intend to take the game slowly and try to enjoy it over a longer span of time. And I want to try to play it in the story order that the game clearly wants you to go in. I don’t know if I’ll be successful. I always get distracted and want to do other things in these games, and in “Breath of the Wild” / “Tears of the Kingdom”, you can, which is probably why I love them so much.
Walking home from getting pizza. 04-20-26.
I got dressed yesterday evening and was thinking of going to Boxers, a gay sports bar in lower Manhattan, but I was also hungry and thought getting pizza and then staying in for the night to chill might be nice. But then I thought I might go get the pizza, take it home, maybe have a slice and then going to the bar, but walking to the restaurant made my decision a lot easier. For about a year, maybe a little longer, I sometimes get these horrible pains in my ankles when I walk. It isn’t all the time. But when it happens it is really difficult to keep going. I p[lan to discuss this with my doctor at my next appointment, which I believe is in June. I should have mentioned it before now, but I often have a hard time speaking coherently to doctors and need to take notes and things beforehand to remember what I need to say, and this is on the agenda. And on top of that, it was a lot chillier than I expected, even having looked at the weather and having worn a jacket. So once I was home I was in for the night, which is what led to me playing Zelda.
When I’m sitting in our office, I’m pretty quiet. I don’t usually have a lot of noise around me, and it is then, late at night when I can hear the mice. We’ve had mice in our apartment off and on over the years, but we haven’t had them since we had our apartment redone. This is likely due to many of the holes in the original floor, near the old heating registers being sealed and many of those pipes being removed. But I thought I heard one. I told myself I was probably just hearing the normal noises of a home. Later when getting ready for bed I thought I heard it again, but it stopped. I thought maybe I was hearing some residual noise from the downstairs neighbors. But while sitting on our bed, a mouse came under the bedroom door right below me and I screamed like a little bitch. I think I said “Get OUT!” The mouse stopped then scurried under the bed. I found the one trap I knew we had and set it out. I then ordered a box of 20 more. These traps are brutal but they seem to kill the rodents instantly. And then I sweep them up and throw them away. It’s kind of ironic that I’m only hearing this mouse after Aaron left for L.A. because Aaron is deathly afraid of rodents, which is problematic in NYC because rodents often run across the sidewalks or over the streets, or through the subways. They don’t bother me when I see them outside. Not even a little. But when they’re inside my house I am bothered. But if they are in the house, it is left up to me to deal with them because Aaron can’t. He doesn’t even like to hear that they are there and if I catch them or kill them or barely miss doing so, I can’t talk to him about it because he gets very upset. Hopefully I can get rid of this one before he comes home, partially so he doesn’t have to deal with it at all, but also because I just want it gone. I’m not sure what it is doing in here. Our apartment is very clean and is even more clean than usual as I tossed a lot of junk out recently so there are even more open surfaces with less hiding spots. Still, I think I’m going to clean the bedroom later.
Very tired this morning. Getting ready to take a shower before finally collapsing into bed. 04-21-26.
Due to the mouse, I ended up going to bed much later than I had planned, well into Tuesday’s morning hours. I didn’t sleep well. I also didn’t take my Ambien, because I’m trying to take it less often. Hopefully this means I’ll sleep better tonight. I’m falling behind on my TV shows. I haven’t watched LOTR: The Rings of Power in over a week. I’ve not watched more of Daredevil or Tales of the City. I never finished last week’s Maul episodes and 2 more came out yesterday, but the latter series might work better as a binge anyways. And I want to watch and review some queer films soon. I’ll try to catch up on that stuff soon. Possibly later today. There is a new Daredevil: Born Again episode tonight, which I will likely watch as soon as I can; sometimes that’s the night it airs and other times it is the day after. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll end up doing nothing.
Saying goodbye to Aaron outside our apartment building in Manhattan. 04-20-26.
I showered with Aaron and started working on different things while Aaron continued to get ready for his trip. He had a short meeting and then I helped him load up the car and brought stuff in for him as well. It sucks when he’s gone, but I’m also someone who doesn’t mind being on their own, so I’ll miss him but I’ll be okay, which is a pretty good balance I expect.
I did start dancing in the elevator. But not because I was happy he was gone. It’s just that when I’m on my own I can listen to my music, dance around the apartment, clean, without worrying that Aaron will be in a meeting and I wander onto his cam naked. lol It’s never happened but I worry about it all the time.
So Aaron is off on his L.A. adventure. My aide will be here at 2pm.
It was a little chilly out (I had nothing on under the hoodie and the breeze was cooler than I like) – but it was sunny and not too bad. It’s supposed to get really cloudy later though. We’ll see if I have any adventures outside.
Yesterday was lazy. Partially because I woke up with a migraine due to the weather. I briefly played Mario Galaxy with Aaron, but I spent most of the day working on my website. I still struggle to find the right things to make everything look the way that I want it, so I’m constantly experimenting and learning, which is a lot more exhausting than I had hoped. Also, I added a visitor counter the other day and it said I had 40 some visitors yesterday. I assumed this was just me doing edits and being counted multiple times but signing in to write this it said I’d had 16 visitors today, so maybe people actually are already coming here. That was fast. I assumed it would take much longer for people to find me. But I hope whoever they are that they’re enjoying this place. I used to get such interesting e-mails from people all over, but I haven’t included any contact information here and I’ve disabled posts. I had a placeholder post or two when I tried to do this a few years ago and the mountains of spam I got were out of control, so I’d rather have nothing than that shit.
I slept really well. I had good dreams which I only vaguely remember. Aaron is getting ready and getting packed. He’s leaving for Los Angeles today and won’t be back for nearly a week.
Aaron clearly wants us to see the rerelease of Avengers: Endgame in September, which will feature new footage tied into Avengers: Doomsday. I’m interested in going too, which surprises me. I’ve hated going to movie theaters ever since cell phones started popping up everywhere. I get distracted by the smallest things and miss huge chunks of the movies I’ve paid to see. We’ve had a few good experiences in the last few years, but none of them have been in Manhattan. Thankfully we have a car and live close to New Jersey.
I will likely work on getting some of my Marvel themed stuff online today. But honestly there are million more things to do. I still have at least 1,000 poems to upload, which will be even longer if I do artwork for all of them. We’ll see.
When I woke up in was in the high 30s, which is a bit chilly. It was 85 last week. It should be in the low 50s later. I’ll probably go get some food around that time. Until then I should have a smoothie.
I used to think it was quite sad that nobody ever really knows anyone else, but I think in the long run that it might actually be for the better. Time to move.
Oh! And I need to message my friend Nicole back! She texted me the other day and asked me some questions but I hate typing long messages on my phone. lol I’ll do that ASAP.
I woke up with a migraine. I figured this meant it was raining and it does look like there was a storm. I guess it’s ironic that “Mandolin Rain” was stuck in my head before I went to bed! lol I wouldn’t have even remembered that except the title came up when I came to write this entry. I find it amusing at least.
I got up and took some painkiller. I was taking a lot of painkiller for a long time. I’ve cut way back because it often doesn’t help and is also bad for you, but sometimes I can’t even think of anything else. I’ve been getting migraines since the fourth grade. In order to qualify to be seen by a specialist in New York I needed to have at least 2 or 3 different triggers but as it turns out, I have all of them. My mother had them, often worse than me, I suspect, but she also had them less often, thankfully. So there’s a hereditary element. Then I also have really bad TMJ, which can trigger them. It’s fucked up actually because if I do anything with my mouth for long it starts to hurt. That means laughing, talking, eating / chewing and giving head can all hurt me and often do. Back in 2009 the tension in my jaw was so bad that my jaw locked for 3 months. The dental specialist I saw told me it would never open again, and then seemed shocked when I wept – that man had no fucking bedside manner. But I was able to see another specialist who got my jaw to open in a single session with some simple exercises. He explained that my jaw would be eve more sensitive after that point, as if I’d gotten a sports injury and couldn’t play football anymore. Changes in weather also trigger my migraines. Lack of nutrition can affect migraines and since I have a very complicated relationship with food under the best of circumstances + my stomach issues, it can be very difficult for me to get all the nutrition that I need and that’s been going on since I was 4 years old. Stress / tension can cause them and I definitely have those! But I really have worked to address each of these issues as best as I can. And because of that work I now have about half the number of migraines in a week than I used to have, and sometimes I even go more than a week without one, which I never thought would ever be possible.
Despite the migraine and my tummy being grumbly, I wanted to cuddle with Aaron for a bit, so I did that after taking the meds and putting ice on my neck for a bit. He knew I wasn’t feeling well but we were both grateful for the cuddles and we said as much when I eventually had to get up. We’re very affectionate. We always hold hands in public and often in private. We’ve had sex twice in the last week, which I think is pretty good since we’ve been together almost 15 years. It’s been a priority for me this year actually. We went for a long patch with almost no sex between November 2019 & 2025. We would do something every now and again, but age, our long relationship and the pandemic all had taken their toll on us. We were lucky to have each other during the lockdowns, but being together 24/7 we needed to find time for ourselves and learned to stay on opposite ends of our apartment to keep our sanity in check. It was hard to break that pattern once it was in place, and I’m not sure it is entirely gone, but we’ve made great strides on improving the situation. And our sex life is part of that. We’ve hooked up about 10 times this year so far, which is likely more sex than we’ve had in the last several years combined. We try to prioritize our relationship, is what I’m saying, and we generally have very positive results. And when we don’t, we are also very understanding and very forgiving. Hopefully this remains true.
After getting out of bed I immediately made a smoothie. Blueberries, chocolate Boost, protein powder, Benefiber, coffee grounds, and a splash of oat milk. I figured the caffeine might help and I think it has. Caffeine and pain killer. At least I feel better than I did. And for once, Aaron hasn’t turned on all the lights. Probably because he knows that my head is hurting.
Today is Aaron’s last day at home for awhile. He’s flying to Los Angeles tomorrow and he won’t be home until early Monday morning, nearly an entire week. I don’t mind being on my own, and I won’t be alone the whole time. My aide Celine is here between 4 & 6 every weekday, and I will try to make plans with some friends. I do sometimes have trouble sleeping without Aaron. Partially because it feels weird to not have his side of the bed occupied and partially because he’s such a stickler for his bedtime that it helps me force myself to sleep at a regular time instead of watching hours of TV in bed as I often end up doing in his absence.
I might work on getting some of my viewing orders here on Gothboy 2.0 – I’m still stumbling a bit with how to set this or that new thing up, but I’ve only been at this for 2 weeks. I seem to have this journal / blog thing down though, which is wonderful. I’ve missed doing this. And my Facebook posts only ever went so far. I’m actually hoping that having this website will help me break away from Facebook more and more. I’ve already begun transferring elements of my profile there to this new location. Wish me luck!
I had a dream last night that I was fucking Aaron, which, for the record, I have never done. He’s a top. I’m a bottom. That’s how it goes. But in the dream we both liked it.
What I’m currently watching.
Yesterday I started watching some stuff that I’ve wanted to see for a long time but haven’t gotten around to. “Daredevil” Season 3 has been on the backburner for 7.5 years, but with the new season of “Daredevil: Born Again” finally getting exceptionally good, and with plenty of ties to the old show, I’m finally ready to see it. I also started watching “Tales of the City”. I’ve seen the original miniseries once, but it’s been a long time, and I’ve never seen the 3 sequel seasons, but I have access to all of them now, so here we go. I’m also still watching a lot of other things like “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power”, which I hopefully won’t quit again (as I have done twice in the past) because I really am enjoying it now, I just have a hard time staying focused on any one thing.
I’d write more but I should get to bed. Aaron actually told me earlier that he sleeps better when I’m in there with him, which he’s never told me before, so I didn’t know. I sometimes sleep better on my own, but when he’s away on trips and things, I do miss him more when he’s not in the bed and won’t be returning for days at a time.
I have “Mandolin Rain” stuck in my head. I’m not sure why. I don’t mind though, because I love that song. I used to have the album as a cassette tape.
So, my “date” with Glenn went well, despite several delays. I made it outside again. I took the train despite not having my music (my headphones didn’t charge for some reason). And all was eventually right with the world. I even ate. There was wonderful conversation, a lot of laughter and some real emotion. Followed by a terrific show at 54 Below, where we both knew many of the people involved. It was great fun. And the music they played before and after the show was surprisingly goth, with songs by Siouxsie and the Banshees and Type O Negative. Interesting. I was very tired by the end of the night and we were driving several people back to the Heights with us so we said goodnight to Glenn and Christian and so many others. But it was a wonderful night.
Arriving home after a fun night out. 04-16-26
I was a little bummed that there was no Avengers: Doomsday trailer waiting at home for me, but they did show a trailer at CinemaCon; they just haven’t released it to the public and I’m not sure they ever will. The first trailer for Avengers: Endgame was shown at a con and they never ever released that trailer publically. We’ll see.
It was revealed that Kathryn Newton will be returning as Cassie Lang / Stature in “Avengers: Doomsday” – which we didn’t know. And young Wesley Holloway has been announced for the film and is rumored to be playing Steve and Peggy’s son.
They did release the final trailer for The Mandalorian & Grogu, which I think looks fantastic!
I need to go finish getting ready for bed. I’m dead tired.
