“He’s Gone”

I slept well again, thankfully. I didn’t go to choir last night. I had a bit of a headache and I’d already been out and my stomach was iffy. I did get some packing done. And I sent a digital copy of CaitlĂ­n R. Kiernan’s The Drowning Girl to my new friend Linda. On the one hand, I think that Linda might love this book, as I do. And on the other hand, I know that sales help Kiernan, who is struggling to pay some bills right now. So this seemed like a good idea. I love this book so much and I’ve probably gifted it to at least 7 people over the years, which is not something that I typically do. I’ve given copies to Mollie Baker, my sister Janice, my ex-gf Jennifer, my cousin Katie, Aaron has listened to the audiobook. I’ve also recommended it countless times. I know my friend Isaiah Pittman is trying to read it. It’s so inventive and it moves me, and if I like you, I’ll probably recommend it to you. And anyone who loves the book might want to check out her collections, “To Charles Fort, With Love” and “Houses Under the Sea”, which both feature stories that tie into the novel. There are likely others, but I’m kind of pressed for time at the moment and I don’t want to ramble for too long! Suffice it to say, that if you’re reading this – and I honestly don’t know that anybody actually is, then I highly recommend The Drowning girl and Kiernan’s work in general. You can find more of her work on her Amazon page (which I don’t get any money from – I just think she’s worth reading) and I’m sure there are other links that would help her even more. I should just ask her.

And it’s the morning of a travel day. We won’t be leaving the apartment for about 4.5 hours; we like to get to the airport a couple of hours before our flights, just in case anything goes wrong. Our flight to Orlando boards around 5pm and we should arrive by around 9pm. Then it’s about an hour to our house. And we’ll likely get inside, try to get settled and go to bed soon after. So, hopefully I’ll be in bed in about 12 hours.

Today’s song quote title comes from “He’s Gone” by Saint Etienne, from their 1994 album Tiger Bay. An acquaintance of mine with really great taste in music, Steven Rink, posted this song on Facebook when he was moving from New York to the West Coast and it’s been stuck in my head ever since. I’m not headed for the West Coast today, but I’m leaving New York and so it felt appropriate.

The Whale Trilogy

1

Pain radiates
through smoothly shaven flesh,

Unseen skull
in burning wrapping paper,

I skitter to share
what it seeks to prevent…

The years are a bitch
and I ache to betray her…

For words in this gloaming
are enabled by night…

Even when tinged
with the heartbreak of sorrow…

Thoughts freely roaming
until morning sight…

Might seem unhinged
come the light of tomorrow.

2

There was a morning, a day, a hot afternoon
where I thought my life would change…
where my wandering
had finally altered my direction…
but it wasn’t meant to be.
Perhaps every day is like this for others…
but the day I am thinking of,
the day of sex before the sermon,
I believed that I’d finally arrived
somewhere I was meant to be,
only to learn across the years
that I would seldom ever return,
and I wish I would have known
how special that time was,
how precious those moments.

It’s altogether different
yet somehow the same
when watching you
watching whales…
when the music you share
nearly kills me with it’s mournful beauty –
giving me fever chills and death spasms
before my fever breaks
and I’m allowed to dance
in the trance of our shoegazing
dream pop.

In the fever
all that could comfort me
was the seemingly old
but younger woman
with the ghost on the porch…
An echo of that first reading
joining my pain across two different eras.

3

The first would have been discovery,
and on the very brink of puberty
as I stumbled through that sea of trees
to find a validating fiction.

And now the feeling: brotherly,
yet still cherry stink of nudity
as I’m humbled by our deities
to bind an animated friction.

And the proof
it is not fair
but the truth
is he’s out there
begging for money,
trading sex for drugs hungry
while the whales circle round us
tasting sweetly table scraps.

And the lie
if there is one
is that life
is a shotgun
because life hasn’t drowned us
baby please don’t go like that.

Written by Jason Wright
April 19, 2018

For Sean (Mobley) and Steve and Anthony.

The Party That Wasn’t

Four of us there;
though it’s hard to believe:
Bald Jason, Paul
and Darla and Steve.

The latter I stripped
in Ann Arbor fountain
before baring flesh
pressing into his bottom;
concealing our pact
(which they labeled obscene)
and that this healing act
had in fact made us clean.

The nerve that in public
made time seem to end:

Perving the lovesick
with crime through the lense
of twenty-one years
flashing by in a blur…

The party that wasn’t
for the people we were.

A moment of lust
that had built beyond reason,
Momentous trust
in the shadow of treason,
A moment of courage
acknowledged and shared,
Encouraged by touch
though we weren’t prepared
for the judgment of strangers
and friends left outside,
as we puzzled through riddles
with longing our guide,
But licentious struggles
are seldom rewarded,
For all our successes
we may have been thwarted…
For the world gazed in fear
as if love were contagious…
Our fumbled premiere
saw us stumble toward greatness.

Written by Jason Wright
September 20, 2017

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